


Super Knight Lothario

by MsRedLady



Category: Original Work
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Crack, Crossdressing, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Fantasy, Gay Sex, Groping, Group Sex, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Knights - Freeform, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Magical Boys, Multi, Not Serious, Oral Sex, Other, Parody, Sex Games, Sexual Humor, Swordplay, Tentacle Monsters, Touching, Virgin Sacrifice, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29444799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsRedLady/pseuds/MsRedLady
Summary: This is basically a magical boy type fantasy story where everything is solved by sex. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Wow. What was I thinking?
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	1. Dragon’s fire!

**Author's Note:**

> The following is a parody only and does not reflect the values of the writer. May cause insanity if taken in high doses. Also rare symptoms of nausea, vomiting, cold sweat, laughing fits, eye popping, headaches, fatigue, nervousness, disbelief, delusions, hallucinations, goose bumps, coughing, fever, a rise in blood pressure, sleeplessness, and in a one and a million chance of coma. Not intended for off road use. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this fic. Mixing with alcohol may increase chance of side effects. Please consult your doctor or religious advisor before use.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lothario faces after a "dragon." But this dragon's fire causes a different kind of sensation!

The princess was trapped in the tower. Pretty common theme right?

Well maybe THAT part is the only common part but there is nothing common about this story.

Warning: What you are about to read could cause serious complications to some people’s sanity. This is crack. That simple. Weird stuff that cannot be explained and have no reasons for happening… is happening in this story.

For this is….

**SUPER KNIGHT LOTHARIO!!!**

Episode one: Dragon’s fire!

Lothario, the armor clad knight faced off against the fiend who would dare capture the princess, the dark lord sir Garrett, a malicious fellow who thought he deserved the lady’s hand in marriage.

“You cannot stop me,” the lord sneered.

“I will stop you,” Lothario said and then closed the top of his helmet. Lothario was really a spirit resting in this suit of armor. He had to borrow his host's body but in return his host got his powers whenever he put Lothario’s armor on. He figured that his host was much better off now that he was there. His host was a man named Nicholas with blond hair, blue eyes, and some muscles. That was what Lothario looked like now too.

Garrett took a step back. He snapped his fingers and a great wind blew overhead. “First, you must meet my pet.” He laughed and a shadow came over Lothario and his party. Marion, his feisty servant gasped. The wizard who was also in his group simply looked calm.

“A dragon?” Marion said. “I thought they were extinct!”

Garrett just laughed in response. “I’m afraid you’ll find this dragon a bit different than others. He doesn't breath fire though.” He laughed again and stepped back as the “dragon” landed.

It was merely a big man on a kite. But as he landed and let go of the kite shaped into dragon wings, it disappeared.

“Silly parlor tricks,” the gray haired wizard shrugged. He knew strong magic when he saw it and that definitely wasn’t it.

The man who landed was a beast of a man. His muscles were bigger than most men’s muscles. His bald head was of a scary sort showing off veins. His eyes were a mean black-coaled type and he jeered at Lothario showing off crooked teeth.

“Yohimbe, take care of this trash,” Garrett told him.

“Yes, my master,” the dragon said and then opened his mouth wide spewing some sort of pink flame from his body.

Lothario had managed to leap back and his two servants; Marion and the wizard stumbled backwards. “Wizard, what type of magic is that?” Lothario asked him through his helmet.

The old man squinted and shook his head. “I’m not sure,” he shrugged.

“Tell me or I’m not going to feed you tonight,” Lothario threatened.

“I said I’m not sure!” the wizard yelled back.

During that small distraction, the dragon Yohimbe had leapt forward into their midst. The Knight and Wizard turned just as he was opening his mouth. Lothario was able to tumble to the side and the Wizard ducked but the poor peasant in their group was not so lucky. Marion caught a full blast of the dragon’s fire.

“Marion!” Lothario gasped rushing to his side. The girly man gasped looking at himself in shock as he was now covered in a pink transparent film.

“Wha?” he gasped. Then his hand went to his chest and he let out a little cry, as some sort of shock seemed to go through his whole body.

“What is this stuff?” Lothario wondered. He turned to Yohimbe. “What did you do to him?”

Yohimbe just smiled and his master Garrett stepped forward to explain. “Like I said, Yohimbe is a dragon that doesn’t breath fire. Oh no,” he chuckled. “He breaths out something else.”

Marion whimpered and curled up before Lothario. “Marion… what’s wrong?” he wondered reaching out for him.

“Don’t!” the man cried. He was clutching himself and panting. A red blush had formed on his skin. “Don’t look at me,” he whimpered, shivering. Lothario didn’t understand until he saw that there was a little mound forming between his servant’s legs.

“What an interesting use of magic,” the wizard said dryly.

“Marion!” he gasped pulling up the mask part of his helmet. He had always wanted to be with this beautiful creature but his servant had always spurned him. Now here he was turned on and in need. It was like a dream come true for the knight. He took the long haired man into his arms and leaned closer.

“Lothario.” The wizard interrupted. “If you get that stuff on you, you might be affected too.” He glared at his other servant, the wizard, for bothering him.

“You forget wizard, I am always turned on.” His magical servant shrugged. “Marion.” He turned back to his lovely beauty all covered in dragon’s fire. He didn’t care if the man was turned on because of this. It was actually kind of convenient.

“Ah!” Marion whimpered at being moved. It seemed just being touched even innocently was having an interesting affect on him.

“Hah hah!” Garrett laughed. “I have won! While you take care of your little friend, I am going to claim the princess.” He laughed and then headed to the tower in which Princess Edwina was being held. Lothario had been sent on a quest to rescue her but that would have to wait. His page was in need.

“Lothario. No!” Marion gasped. Even now he was still fighting him.

“I only want to help you,” he told him.

“Tsk. Ah!” He gasped again and tried to turn away as his erection twitched in his pants. “Yeah right,” he grunted trying to remain strong and not give in to his pleasure. “You’re Lothario. You just want to take me to bed.”

“While this is also true I…”

“Shut up.” Marion said rolling out of his arms and onto the ground curling up again.

“You don’t have to pretend to be strong anymore.” His servant was always acting tough. “Just blame this on the strange aphrodisiac you were hit with.”

“Go.” He told him curling up even tighter. “Forget about me. The princess… she needs you.”

“Marion…”

“I can take care of myself!” he shouted and then moaned again. “So don’t worry about me. Go stop Lord Garrett,” he whimpered.

The knight stood up and sighed. He glanced over at the wizard. “You’re not going to let the wizard touch you, are you?”

“Shut up, I’m not letting that old man near me.”

“Heh.” The wizard folded his arms. “I say let him suffer like that.”

“Stay strong, Marion,” he told him facing the dragon that stood there with his arms folded. “After I stop the dark lord Garrett, I will come back for you.”

Marion just whimpered in response as need built up inside his body. “Anselmo,” he said using the wizard’s name.

“What?”

“Keep Marion safe.”

“Whatever,” the old man grumbled.

“And you!” he said pointing to the dragon. “It’s not nice to turn people on like that and then leave them hanging.”

“Oh?” The man laughed. “I would have taken care of your little friend but I’d much rather roast you with my fire and then taste your meat.” He laughed at the bad joke.

“Just try it.” The man grinned and ran towards him. He jerked to the right just as the man spewed his pink juice. He turned, the beam of pink following after the knight. The Knight flipped over him but Yohimbe turned and punched him sending him flying backwards.

He landed upon the ground his helmet flying off. ‘Lothario.’ His host called.

“What?” he grumped. He hated it when his host talked to him. “I’m kind of busy now.”

‘I have an idea on how to defeat him.’ Nicholas answered. (Nicholas was the name of his host.)

“All right. Tell me,” he said and then looked up to see the man leaping towards him. He rolled out of the way just as the man’s feet stomped into the ground causing a crater. “And make it quick.”

“Talking to yourself? Or praying to your gods that I’ll be gentle with you?” the dragon leered.

“Or will I be gentle with you?” Lothario answered.

“Huh?” The man didn’t get it.

“Good idea body. I guess you’re good for something!” he said to Nicholas. “Now go back to sleep. You won’t want to see this.”

‘What do you mean I’m good for something? Of course I’m good for something!’ Nicholas argued back but he ignored him as he got ready for the task on hand.

“Come and turn me on… if you can.” Lothario laughed doing a cartwheel in front of him.

“Are you making fun of me?” Yohimbe frowned.

“I bet your dragon's fire won’t work on me!”

“Stand still and we’ll see!” the large man shouted back.

Lothario stuck out his tongue as the man charged at him. He flipped just as the man breathed out more pink fire. “Heh, I got you now.” Yohimbe swore as he breathed up into the air.

“No, I’ve got you!” Lothario said a shield appearing in his hand.

“What?” the man gasped as the liquid hit the shield and was reflected back onto him. He stood there blinking drenched in his own magical liquids. “Ah!” He gasped bending over and clutching at his crotch.

“Ah hah!” Lothario landed before him with his hands on his waist. “The host was right. You aren’t immune to your own magicks. How ironic.”

“Ah… ahhh…” he gasped, the veins on top of his head twitching as he tried to calm himself down.

“Now you know how it feels. I pity the victims you have breathed upon forced to suffer from something even you have never felt.”

“I… uhg…” He was down on his knees clenching his eyes shut and panting. He rubbed his aroused groin and then fell to the ground.

“I have won. Now I am off to beat your master.”

“Wait!” Yohimbe grabbed at the knight’s leg.

“Just admit defeat already.” Lothario said annoyed.

“No… it’s not that. Just please… please don’t leave me like this,” he panted tears forming in his eyes.

Lothario hesitated looking around. His servants had already retreated. The wizard had probably taken Marion somewhere cool to relax and rid himself of his ailment. Lothario was what he was, a man of the world. It was impossible for him to deny sex to someone. Even if it was from the enemy.

“Well all right,” he said. “But it’ll be quick,” he said stepping towards the man.

“Yes. Please!” Yohimbe begged now clutching at his pants.

And so… The beastly dragon man Yohimbe got on his hands and knees as Lothario hovered against him. A little flap had opened up at the crotch in the knight’s armor giving Lothario access to his mighty sword and there upon the ground, he slay the dragon stabbing him multiple times until the dragon bled sperm, drool, and tears.

Since sex with a huge muscly man ain’t exactly pretty or visually appealing, we’ll leave it at that.

Lothario, a superhero, was not tired out with his bout with the dragon. In fact, because of his nature (since he wasn’t exactly human) he was energized and ready to face the dark lord Garrett.

Narrator end of the episode voice: Will Lothario win against the dark Lord Garrett? Just what type of duel will the two find themselves in? One thing's for certain… sword fighting has never gone like this before!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes/Stuff you may or may not care about: The name Yohimbe comes from the drug Yohimbine, an aphrodesiac. Fitting, right?


	2. Swordfight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a normal swordfight turns into a different kind of "sword" fight.

And so... the hero faces off the villain! But this is one fight that may just end in pleasure.

For this isn't your normal story.

This is...

**Super Knight Lothario!**

Episode two: Sword fight

“Stop Garrett!” Lothario faced the dark lord before the huge white tower, which held the princess trapped inside. He pointed at Garrett with his sword. The lord was a known swordsman and Lothario hadn’t held such metal objects for a few centuries now. (He had been dead for a while after all.) But even so, he had to fight this man who had kidnapped Princess Edwina from her home.

“You really think you can beat me?” Garrett jeered. “I don’t know how you bested my pet but no matter. I will not be an easy enemy,” he assured.

“I will defeat you. One way or another.”

“I’ve heard about you, Lothario.”

“You have?”

“You’re not even supposed to be alive. You were supposed to have died when the Verilian monk cornered you centuries ago. So I can’t help but think that you’re not all together human. I don’t know how you came back but I think you were better off in your grave. It was a mistake to challenge me.”

“It is true that I’d rather spend my time in a different kind of combat but you have kidnapped Princess Edwina and I cannot allow this.”

“Princess Edwina is mine! When I first saw her, I knew. I will fight for her to the death,” he said taking out his own weapon and pointing it at Lothario.

“So it seems we both have our reasons for fighting regardless. Let us duel.”

“I will win. I have never lost a sword fight.”

“We shall see,” he said bowing to indicate the start of the duel.

Garrett charged at him and it took all of the knight’s strength to block his blow. He was amazed at the lord’s strike. He was a spirit whose powers gave him and his host extra strength, but even now he was faltering. He jumped back but Garrett was unrelenting and swooped forward.

Lothario put his sword up to block as swing upon swing rained down upon him by the dark Lord’s hand. “You are not good,” Garrett told him and then with one final blow, the sword was knocked out of the knight’s hand and Garrett pointed his long blade at Lothario’s neck. “You have lost this duel,” he told him. “Go back and tell that foolish king that his daughter is mine.”

Lothario looked over at his lost blade in shame and bit his lip. He couldn’t lose like this! But he was clever. Even when he was alive, he had never been a particularly outstanding swordsman but he had won his battles in other ways and that’s what he was determined to do now.

The knight stood up abruptly, his armor clanking in the process. “Do you think you can make Princess Edwina happy!” he challenged.

Garrett who had been about to enter the enchanted tower to claim his lady looked back slightly annoyed. “I assure you, I can please the woman.”

“Can you?” Lothario asked taking off his helmet. Taking off any part of his armor reduced his powers somewhat but it strengthened him in other ways as well. Though it made his host more in control with the less armor he wore, it also made things like sex a whole lot easier.

“What are you implying?” Garrett raised his eyebrow in annoyance.

“I challenge you to another duel.” Lothario said.

“I refuse. I will just beat you again. No one is better than me at the sword.”

“Perhaps it is true that you are the best when it comes to wielding such a long piece of metal. But what I am interested in is this sword.” he said opening the flap that was at his crotch.

“What?” Garrett said in disbelief.

“I did die centuries ago but I know for a fact that I was the best at wielding this type of sword during my time.” He took his “sword” out for emphasis. He smirked as Garrett watched him wide-eyed. “These hands are highly skilled in giving pleasure… shall I try and defeat you with your own sword?” He laughed, stepping forward his manhood still hanging out.

“Just how does that have anything to do with a duel?” Garrett said stepping back. He certainly didn’t expect the knight do come at him with his exposed sex!

“The duel is this: I pleasure you, while you pleasure me. The first one to come, loses.”

Garrett just stared at him in disbelief. Finally, he laughed. “I like how you think. Ok, Lothario Knight, I accept this duel. But I doubt you can win because my mind is only on Edwina.”

“Physical pleasures rarely ever follow the mind.” Lothario smirked and moved closer to the man. Garrett simply blushed a little as the knight reached for his pants. “Shall we begin Lord Garrett?” he said his hand closing around the lord’s organ.

“Heh. Fine.” Garrett said and gripped Lothario’s. Then again, it wasn’t really his since he was just borrowing this body, but that’s merely a minor detail. He still felt it because his host was asleep right now.

And so the two men stood close together jerking the other off in this strange dueling session. Garrett was surprised since Lothario was true to his word and he was skillfully coaxing him to orgasm. But Garrett wasn’t bad himself. He had the strong hands of a swordsman and just because the sword he held was now flesh, he still worked it with an expert’s precision. It didn’t take long for them both to be into it.

“Oh!” Garrett breathed pressing closer to the knight. “You’re good,” he panted trying desperately to keep himself from coming as the man fingered his balls and then came back up closing around his shaft tightly.

“Ah! You too.” Lothario grunted, as the man’s hand’s moved faster and faster around his erection. “I wouldn’t mind being bed partners with you.” he told him caressing Garrett’s face with his free hand and then leaning towards him.

“Huh?” Garrett wondered when the man’s face came awfully close. Then his lips came to his and he grimaced feeling himself releasing into the magical knight’s hand. Even though Lothario had just won, he kept his lips over the man and then he too came shooting his seed (or Nicholas’s seed) upon Garrett.

He let go of the lord and Garrett fell to his knees in shock. “You… you win.” He said in disbelief. “I… I didn’t know you would kiss me!” he said looking up at Lothario in shock.

“I admit it wasn’t part of the duel but I couldn’t help myself.” Lothario said running his fingers along the man’s lips.

Garrett looked down and sighed. “I didn’t think anyone else could make me feel that way besides Edwina,” he said softly. “I do not deserve her.”

“Aw, don’t feel that way, Lord Garrett.”

“Just…” He stood up and pulled up his pants. “Go get Edwina. Tell her… No. Don’t tell her anything. I don’t deserve her.”

Lothario looked at the man and then closed his flap over his crotch and grabbed his helmet and put it over his head. “Perhaps if you found a new strategy to win the lady instead of kidnapping her, then you will win her heart?” Lothario offered.

“Her father would never consent to me. That’s why I kidnapped her in the first place.”

“I see. And you locked her in this tower?” he said looking at the ivory tower before them.

“Yes, she’s at the top. Today I was supposed to make her mine. It was to be like our wedding night.”

Lothario felt a little sorry for the man but then turned to the tower anyway. He had been charged with the task of rescuing the princess and that was what he must do regardless of who the enemy was.

End of the chapter announcer: Lothario travels up to the tower to meet the princess. But he is a man of physical pleasures and can’t help but lust after the cute Edwina. But she has a few secrets of her own. Saving the princess with earthly pleasures is not what’s supposed to happen!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes, AKA WHAT WAS I THINKING? : Lord Garrett's name came from a torture device, the garrote. Not that you probably care. But yep, that's how he was named. The more you know, eh?


	3. Lady in the tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check out the boobs on this one!

The knight rescues the princess...

But all is not as it seems.

For this is...

**SUPER KNIGHT LOTHARIO!** (In case you already didn't know by now...)

Episode three: Lady in the tower

The knight climbed up the white tower, which was actually turning pink as he made his way to the top but since he was inside, he did not know this. He threw open the door to Edwina’s chambers at the top. Before he could say anything a white and yellow mass threw herself against him crying, “Garrett!”

Edwina was a beautiful princess with golden curly hair. Right now, she was wearing nothing but a thin white gown. She seemed confused that instead of Garrett, her face was rubbing against Lothario’s armor.

“I’m afraid I am not sir Garrett, my lady.” 

Edwina took a step back. “Where is he?” she trembled biting her lip. “I… I need him,” she said softly tears forming in his eyes.

“Forgive me, my lady. I was told that you were taken against your will but could it be that you are actually in love with the lord?” Lothario wondered.

“Yes!” she gasped falling to her knees and clasping her arms in front of her. “I… he… He promised me he’d be here tonight and that I should wait for him.”

“I’m afraid I have bested him in a duel.”

“Oh no!” she gasped. Then she stared at him. “But who are you?”

The knight bowed elegantly as a man can in a full suit of armor. “I am the Knight Lothario. Your father sent me to rescue you.”

“My father? Oh no! No, no, no!” she whined. “This is all wrong.” Tears formed in her eyes and Lothario couldn’t help but feel as if he should comfort the princess. “I want to be with Sir Garrett! Father would never understand.” She trembled while wiping her eyes and he kneeled before the lady.

“Do not cry, my dear lady.”

“You don’t understand,” she sobbed. She looked up at him with tear stained eyes. He felt that such a cute little woman shouldn’t cry. Unless of course, it was the happy kind of crying. The kind you might cry while rocking upon the bed.

“No one else has ever made me feel this way,” she said, her hand caressing her chest.

Edwina's face was flushed and she was panting slightly. It was almost as if she were under the effects of the dragon’s fire. “Ma’am, were you, by chance, breathed upon by Garrett’s pet dragon?” he wondered.

“Dragon?” She blinked in surprise.

“He’s a muscly man. And bald.”

“Oh no! He didn’t let that man near me!” she said. “It was just Garrett and I, together as we stole away from the castle. But after that he didn’t go near me. I’ve been waiting so long. Oh sir knight, my blood is hot and my body trembles when I think of him. What do I do?” she sniffled.

“That.” he said stepping towards the lady. “Is something I may be able to help you with.”

The lady was in hot need. And Lothario was not a cruel man. (Was he?) He would not leave her in distress. He would take care of it even if it meant Princess Edwina would be deflowered and her father would be mad. For Lothario was known back in his day for “saving” maidens in distress and he wasn’t going to stop now even if he was just borrowing his host’s body.

The knight took one of her hands as his glove and arm protection disappeared leaving his arm bare so that he could feel the maiden’s soft skin. “What you are feeling… I will help relieve you of some of your ailments,” he explained gently caressing her cheek and wiping a tear away.

“What?” she wondered with wide cute eyes.

Then, he did what any gentleman would do when faced with a crying princess. He kissed her. Well… among some other things.

“What are you doing?” She gasped pulling away a bit. But she had to admit; it did feel pretty good to be kissed by the womanizing knight.

“Madam. My lips are a well-known cure for many sicknesses. I am simply helping you recover,” he answered slyly.

Poor innocent, young Edwina didn’t know what to do as he leaned over her and gave her another kiss there upon the floor of her room. She gasped as his hand ran over her chest and the other one across her bum pulling her close. Lothario stopped after his hand ran over the panting lady’s chest a few times and he began to suspect that perhaps something was off.

It is common knowledge that a normal woman who has passed puberty has the scrumptious mounds that she has. Each woman has them in different shapes and different sizes. Even a small-framed girl has at least a small rise to her chest but Princess Edwina had none.

Lothario pulled away to better inspect the panting princess. He peeled back the upper part of her gown to double check. The lady had no boobs and there was something poking out from her gown.

Princess Edwina was in fact Prince Edwin. A boy.

“Princess?”

The "princess" sat up and closed the top of the nightgown turning away from Lothario. “I’m sorry,” she… er… or he squeaked still trembling. “I am not a real woman though I wish to all the gods, fairies, and mages that I could be.”

“And Lord Garrett?” He actually found it amusing that Garrett might have kidnapped what he thought was a fair maiden when in fact was actually a fair man.

“That’s the whole reason we ran away together.” Edwin cried hugging himself. “Father would never consent to our marriage because we are both men. He tried to get me to marry some girl from another kingdom! But I can’t. It has to be Garrett. He is the only one who makes me feel this way… I wish with all my heart that I were a real maiden so that maybe father would consider our marriage but I’m not.” He sniffled.

Lothario hugged the prince. “Sir knight?” the golden haired boy wondered.

“Forgive me, Edwina. I just want to comfort you. Man… woman… I do not mind either way.”

“But…” She (he?) turned and he captured her(his?) lips in another kiss. She (no he!) moaned against him as they once again lay down upon the floor.

“You were right,” she (HE!) whispered. “Your lips really are like medicine. They make me feel better.”

“I’m afraid I might have exaggerated a bit,” he chuckled.

‘You’re not really going to do her, right?’ his host interrupted him. Such bad timing! ‘Even if she is a boy, what about Garrett?’

‘Shut up host.’ Lothario mentally told him.

‘It’s obvious that they love each other.’

‘I know! Now go back to sleep you annoying body!’

‘Hey, it’s my body you are borrowing!’ Nicholas retorted but then did as he was told and subsided back into the subconscious.

Lothario went back to loving on Prince Edwin. It was true that the girly prince was in love with Garrett but he was so inexperienced in love making that he didn’t know what to do. Lothario was more than experienced in lovemaking and seduction so he definitely knew.

“Did you really best Lord Garrett?” Edwin panted as Lothario kissed the prince’s pale stomach. Lothario sighed a bit and looked up at the prince. Even with his skillful touches, the boy was still speaking of his love.

“My prince, you will be reunited with your lover,” he promised. “But first, let me show you how to please the lord,” he said taking the boy’s manhood into his hand. Edwin called out, as he had never been touched there by anyone before.

And so… the rest of the day was spent teaching Edwin (AKA Princess Edwina) all sorts of naughty tricks to please his/her husband. Lothario didn’t go all the way as he figured he’d let Lord Garrett do the honors but he was still able to do other naughty things with such a cute boy.

The knight came down from the tower feeling quite pleased with himself. Today had been an energetic day with the dragon, Lord Garrett, and the cute cross dressing prince. Lord Garrett was still at the bottom of the tower feeling sorry for himself. “Is she okay? What did she say?” he said rushing up to Lothario.

“HE is doing fine. Mighty fine.” Lothario laughed a bit.

“Then… you know?” He started feeling a bit angry wondering how exactly Lothario had figured out that his princess was not really a princess at all.

“Go to her, Garrett.”

“But I am unworthy. I was only supposed to think of her but my mind was distracted during our duel.”

“Lord Garrett, she is the same way. You two were pretty much meant for each other. She (or he if you will) is now waiting for you.”

“What?” 

“Edwin is ready for you. Enter her chambers. Enter her. Be together as you would in matrimony.”

“But her father…”

“Leave her father to me,” he boasted. “Love is a wonderful thing. I’m sure the king will see reason especially when the love you two share seems to be so well matched.”

“Yes. Thanks! Lothario, perhaps you have come back to help us.” Garrett was in such a happy mood he forgot himself for a moment and kissed Lothario on the lips. Before he realized what he was doing or pulled away, Lothario immediately deepened the kiss till the sir Lord Garrett, expert swordsman was panting against him.

The swordsman pulled away in a daze. “I…” He started feeling guilty again.

“Edwina was the last person to touch these lips. Perhaps you were drawn to them because of her. Go.” he said simply, motioning to the tower.

“Thanks.” He stumbled to the door. Then he swung it open and ran up the stairs to meet with his beloved Edwin.

And so… Lord Garrett and Edwina had a wonderful passion filled knight, er, night. Edwina and Garrett both used the skills that Lothario had taught them and celebrated as a newly wed man and his wife would… even if Edwina was a boy.

Narrator announcer dude: Learn how it all began! Marion doesn’t want to help the bumbling Nicholas find this weird armor and he definitely doesn’t trust the wizard that is supposed to help them. Especially when that Wizard has strange eating habits. That stuff isn’t supposed to have any nutritional value!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: The name Lothario (synonymous with womanizer in today's lingo) comes from The Fair Penitent written by Nicholas Rowe. That’s right… I stole names from history/literature.


	4. Vampire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wizard character happens to be a sort of vampire which they discover in a flashback.

Warning: This story is pure and utter crap… I mean crack. (Same diff?)

For this is…

**Super Knight Lothario!!!**

(I’ll probably tell you that every time.)

Episode 4: Vampire

It was the wedding of the century! Why? Because never before had two men had such a spectacular ceremony. Lothario had somehow convinced King Eedred to marry off his son to the swordsman, lord Garrett. It wasn’t that hard since the king already knew of his son’s girlish disposition.

“That’s a boy?” the wizard said in disbelief. The three of them had been invited to the wedding of course. (They had fulfilled the king’s quest of “saving the princess” after all.) Princess Edwina was in a very ornate wedding gown despite being a boy. Lord Garrett had a slight blush to his cheeks as he watched Edwina make her (his?) way down the aisle. He looked really happy.

“Aye.” Lothario answered looking at the cute golden curled vixen.

“What? Can’t you tell?” Marion wondered next to them.

“Huh?” They both turned to the peasant.

“You can tell?” the wizard wondered.

“Yeah. I can tell.”

And then the two learned that their lower class friend had a power they didn’t have: The power to distinguish people’s sex. (Whoopdidoo…) “Some power,” the wizard groaned in annoyance. It may have something to do with the fact that Marion himself looked like a girl with long wavy black hair, big eyes, and a cute face.

“Well I’m glad they can be together,” Marion stated wistfully. “You can tell they are in love.” He sighed.

“Marion,” Lothario said leaning forward towards his cute raven-haired servant. He grabbed his hand. “Do you wish to be together with the one you love?” he wondered. Marion blushed and then pulled his hand away.

“The one I love is not you, if that’s what you’re asking!” he shot back, looking pissed as ever.

In actuality, it wasn’t Lothario that he loved, but the man he shared his body with. But Marion was much too proud to admit this. Even though Lothario was an expert seducer, the servant was always able to block his advances. Nicholas, the host, was much too awkward to be making advances so nothing ever happened between the two.

After Lothario had had his fun with the princess, he had rushed off to find his lovely servant Marion Chandelle but he had already recovered from his fight with the dragon’s breath. After a bath and a few jerk-off sessions by himself, he was back to normal. Lothario was sad to have missed such an opportunity but they were traveling together so he figured there would be another time for him to try and seduce his delightful page.

“You’re going to Kingston, right?” the wizard asked, as they were back on the road traveling again. Marion’s cart was hitched up to a small donkey as he road behind it. The wizard was walking along with Nicholas along side. Nicholas had Lothario’s armor packed up on his back letting the spirit rest, not that he probably needed it since he was just a spirit after all.

“Uh, yeah.” Nicholas laughed his funny nervous laugh. Unlike Lothario, he was not confident but clumsy and shy. They might as well have been complete opposites. Which is why he was glad that he had Lothario’s armor. Now he could be a real knight. He just had to go to his hometown of Kingston and prove to the administrators of Knight School that he was capable of being a knight now that he had the famous Lothario’s armor.

“Whatever.” The wizard shrugged. He didn’t care where they were going. He really didn’t care about Nicholas and the good-looking Marion either. He just wanted to be around Lothario whom he thought could save him from his curse.

Because you see, dear audience, the wizard that was traveling with them wasn’t exactly human.

Nicholas had been told to seek out an old wizard who knew the whereabouts of Lothario’s armor by a fairy queen. Then along with Marion, he had found the wizard but it was not to be what he expected.

Thus begins the flashback…

“Are you sure this is it?” Marion shuddered holding up a lamp towards the old shack that was on top of the windy dark hill.

“Yeah I was told that a wizard lived here.”

“But didn’t that guy say that he might suck out our souls?” Marion whispered harshly.

Nicholas gulped. “We-we have to be brave. Ma-Ma-Marion,” he stuttered as they tip toed up towards the shack.

And then the door opened and a man stumbled out. But this man was no wizard. He was stumbling around as if drunk and was pulling up his pants. “Thanks for the meal,” a voice said behind the unknown stumbling man.

Then as if on cue, lightning crackled across the sky revealing the frightful wizard they were supposed to seek out. He was wearing blue and green wizard’s robes but he had a gray cloak over his head. Marion jumped and clutched at Nicholas. They couldn’t see his eyes but wisps of gray hair peeked out from the hood.

He pulled back the hood and then stared at them looking unimpressed. The wizard didn’t look as scary now that his hood was back. He licked his lips and just stared at them curiously. In fact, he was kind of a handsome man. He had gray hair but was far from looking old. His long feathery hair was brushed behind his ears and his blue clear eyes were like gemstones. Despite his gray hair, he didn’t look to be over 40.

“What do you want?” the wizard finally asked. “I’m through giving favors for today. Geez, do people think wizards are their personal slaves or something?” he grumbled.

“P-please sir,” Nicholas gulped and stepped forward. “I am looking for Lothario’s armor,” he stated bravely. Marion just held back. Even with his handsome face, something seemed off with this so-called wizard. He didn’t seem very trustworthy.

The wizard looked surprised and then looked Nicholas over. “Do you think you are worthy of his armor?” he said snootily.

“Y-yes.”

“Hmph. Many of tried to obtain the armor but they have all failed.”

“Then you know where it is?” Nicholas said hopefully. In his journey, he had never found anyone who seemed to know more than this man.

“Yeah, I know where it is. I’ve been waiting for someone to acquire it.”

“Why?” Marion asked feeling like there was something this man wasn’t telling them.

The wizard looked over at him for the first time. He smirked. Marion didn’t like that smirk. “Well aren’t you a looker. Is she your girl?” he asked Nicholas.

“I’m not!” Marion yelled. “And I’m not a woman either.” Too many times, he was mistaken as a woman.

The wizard seemed to brighten at this revelation. “I see. Interesting.” He said looking Marion up and down with a lecherous grin. The peasant shivered and hid behind Nicholas. “Well if you must know, I’m hoping that with the collection of Lothario’s armor, I may be able to rid myself of a curse.” The wizard folded his arms and turned away.

“Please tell me where it is,” Nicholas pleaded. “I’ve been sent on a quest to find it. I must not fail.” He shook his hands in a pleading gesture.

“Heh. Very well,” the wizard smiled almost maliciously. “I’ll show you where it is. It’s protected by a number of puzzles and traps but don’t worry… I’ll even help you with those.”

“You will!” Nicholas exclaimed. “Thank you!” he breathed. Marion just glanced at him suspiciously. It seemed too good to be true.

“Under one condition.” The wizard held his finger up.

Nicholas stopped his rejoicing and looked reluctantly over at the wizard. “And what’s that?” he hesitantly asked.

The wizard just laughed. “You have to feed me.”

“Huh?” Nicholas wondered. Marion narrowed his eyes. Something still didn’t seem right.

“The journey towards the cave where the armor is hidden will take a few days. I will take you there but you have to promise to feed me along the way.”

“Ah, well that doesn’t sound that bad.” Nicholas pondered and then looked over at Marion for approval.

“Are you sure that’s all? You’re not hiding anything from us, are you?” Marion wondered suspiciously.

“Oh no. I have my own reasons for getting to the armor. I would not lead you astray.”

“But sir wizard. I have need of this armor…” Nicholas added quietly.

“Don’t worry. I just need to look at it. After that, you can have it.” he said sourly.

“If you know where it is, how come you haven’t gotten it yourself?” Marion asked folding his arms and looking the wizard down. He was a lot braver than Nicholas and wasn’t about to let them get tricked by this warlock.

“If I could, I would have by now, girly boy. Like I said, there are a series of traps and puzzles guarding the armor. I need a man who is worthy of solving these puzzles in order to get to the armor. Let’s see if your friend here is strong enough to get through it.” He patted Nicholas on the back.

“Uh… uh… I think I can.” Nicholas was now getting worried. He wasn’t exactly smart and he thought he was strong but what if he wasn’t strong enough? Would he be able to get through whatever was guarding the armor? No, he must! He couldn’t return to his hometown without obtaining it.

“Well, shall we be off?” The wizard suggested taking a walking stick out of his shack.

“Just like that?” Marion wondered in disbelief.

The wizard just chuckled suspiciously. “Good thing I already ate,” he said darkly. Marion wondered what he meant.

~

The three traveled for a day towards a mountain range where Lothario’s armor was supposed to be. Nicholas and Marion let the wizard lead the way. They stayed away from the strange man who mostly kept to himself and didn’t say anything. Marion wondered how he knew about the armor but kept his thoughts to himself. Nicholas was just worried about what he would do once he got there.

After a day of traveling, they set up camp in a forest that stretched out before the mountains. Nicholas had built a fire and had managed to catch a rabbit. They had cooked some stew with some onions and roots Marion had found.

“Here you go,” Nicholas said kindly to the wizard who looked surprise that he was offering him a bowl of stew.

“What?” he said in surprise.

“You said we had to feed you, right?” Nicholas smiled pleasantly. The wizard didn’t know what to make of his generous gesture but then laughed silently. He reached out and took the bowl. “Yes I did,” he said and partook of the poor man’s stew.

“We should be there in two days or less depending on how fast we travel,” the wizard told them after they finished eating.

“Ok,” Nicholas said and then shivered. He was feeling rather nervous.

“Don’t worry, Nicholas,” Marion said quietly seemingly able to sense his nervousness.

“What if I’m not good enough?” He frowned.

“It’s ok. I’ll be there with you,” Marion promised.

“You will?” Nicholas wondered in surprise. Marion had after all initially been an unwilling companion. He had accidentally burned down the peasant’s house. After that, Marion Chandelle had insisted on coming with him as punishment for making him homeless. He wanted the beautiful peasant to come with him anyway but did feel bad about the fire.

“I’ve stuck with you for this long, haven’t I?” Marion smiled.

“Yes, thank you,” he said lying down to sleep.

Marion went back towards his cart and lay down besides it folding a blanket over his small frame. He caught the wizard looking at him. It was actually rather creepy. He turned his back to the mysterious man who he still felt was untrustworthy. But he was about to get an even bigger surprise later that night.

Marion was sleeping soundly or at least trying to when someone started pawing at his lower half. It kind of tickled. He thought it was Nicholas. He knew the clumsy oath was interested in him. “Nicholas stop,” he growled sitting up only to come face to face with the creepy but handsome wizard. Currently, the man was pulling down Marion’s pants.

“What are you doing!?” He screeched grabbing his pants before they could be pulled down further.

“Relax peasant.” He told him looking intently at Marion’s groin. “I’ll make it enjoyable. I promise.”

“No, stop.” Marion tried to push him away.

“I’m hungry,” the wizard said simply gripping Marion’s arms powerfully. The wizard had the look of something not quite human. His skin seemed paler and his grin was that of some sort of beast. The way he was licking his lips… it was very scary.

“No! Nicholas!” Marion screamed for the other man to save him. He didn’t want to be touched by this creepy guy!

Nicholas had woken up and had roughly pulled the wizard away from his servant. “What are you doing to Marion?” All his previous fear of the man was gone as he now looked at him sternly.

The mage glared at Nicholas. “I told you that you had to feed me,” he said simply.

“We did feed you,” Nicholas countered. “What do you mean for attacking Marion in his sleep?”

Marion had meanwhile done his pants back up and wrapped the blanket around him shaking slightly. He looked over at Nicholas in awe. He’d never seen him act so stern before. He actually thought it looked kind of cool.

The wizard spat and stood up. “That kind of food will not sustain me. I need to feed off men.”

“What?” Nicholas squinted his eyes in disbelief.

“Monster,” Marion whispered. “Vampire!” He shrieked standing up and running behind Nicholas the blanket still wrapped around him.

“Not quite, girly peasant,” the man corrected. “It is not blood that I drink but something else.” He chuckled.

Nicholas took a step back his composure lost for a second. “What… what do you drink?” he asked a little frightened.

“A man’s vitality.”

“What?”

“His seed.” The wizard grinned.

Nicholas took another step back knocking into Marion. The wizard looked a little annoyed. “I do it because of the curse, not because I want to.” He folded his arms. “I cannot live without doing this.”

“So you were going to feed from… Marion?” Nicholas clarified, blushing a bit.

“What? No way!” Marion hissed. “I don’t care if you die. I’m not letting your mouth near any part of me. That’s disgusting!”

“You promised me.”

“But you didn’t let us know what you meant. We thought you just meant regular food.” Marion glared at him.

“Wizard.” Nicholas interrupted their bantering. He sounded serious. He took a deep breath before continuing. “Can you feed off any man?”

“Any man with a healthy penis. Of course, I prefer to eat off of good looking men but I take what I can get.” He shrugged. “And your little servant here does seem rather tasty.”

Marion squeaked and hid back behind Nicholas. Nicholas reached back and patted Marion on the head. “Then I shall feed you wizard,” he stated bravely.

“What? No Nicholas, don’t.” Marion gasped.

“We did promise him after all,” Nicholas told Marion.

“But he tricked us!”

“Don’t worry. Besides, he knows where the armor is.”

“Heh.” The wizard shrugged. “All right. You’ll do.”

“I will let you eat from me for as long as you need.” Nicholas stated. “But please leave Marion alone.”

The wizard smirked. “Very well.”

“But Nicholas!” Marion grabbed at his arm.

“You stay here.” Nicholas told him. Tears formed in Marion's eyes as he watched Nicholas go off into the forest with the wizard. He couldn’t help but think that the wannabe knight was doing this to protect him. Even though he would probably feel good from the wizard’s mouth, the wizard was still a creepy guy to Marion.

Next episode: They finally get to the cave where the armor is held. But this is one gauntlet that requires the strength of a particular organ… and it’s between your legs!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Notes: Chandelle is French for candle since Marion is a candlestick maker after all. Did I not mention that yet? My bad. Also, sperm vampire anyone?


	5. Hole in the wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our hero makes interesting use of a hole in the wall...

And so... our heroes find themselves going through a booby trapped cave in order to get to Lothario's famous armor. But this is no ordinary ordeal...

For this is...

**SUPER KNIGHT LOTHARIO!!!!**

(I told you I would tell you that every time...)

Episode five: Hole in the wall

Marion stared at the creepy wizard guy while holding the blanket up to his chin sitting on the other side of the fire. They were less than a day’s time from wherever this cave was that held the famous armor. He still didn’t get what was so great about this armor. Plus, he didn’t trust this gray haired guy. But he was relieved that he would be gone once they found this weird armor.

“Stop staring already,” the wizard barked. He was wiping his lips after another feeding from Nicholas. Marion didn’t like him doing that to Nicholas but then at the same time he felt that he shouldn’t care. “It’s not like I’m going to attack you again. I am a man of my word,” he growled.

Marion looked away from the frightful man and turned to Nicholas instead. “Nicholas?” He decided to change the subject. “Who was this Lothario anyway? What’s so special about his armor?”

Nicholas shrugged. “I don’t know. I just heard he was a famous knight back in his time and that if I obtain his armor I will become a knight automatically,” he ended with a funny sounding laugh.

“You know nothing!” The mage interrupted angrily. “What kind of idiot are you to be going after the armor of a man you know nothing about?”

Nicholas shifted uncomfortably. “Well in order to be a knight…”

“Lothario was a very special knight.” He laughed deeply. “A very special knight indeed. My grandfather knew of him when he was alive.”

“What?” Marion shrieked. “But I thought he lived like 500 years ago!”

The wizard smirked. “426 years ago in fact.”

“But how is that possible?”

He continued looking at the peasant with that same malicious smirk on his face. “The curse has enabled me to live a very long time. Even though my grandfather was alive during that time, he didn’t know much about him. I only learned about him because I am trying to find a way to break the curse.” His face turned to that of somewhat of a pained look.

Marion was determined not to feel sorry for him though. “If you don’t like it then why don’t you just stop feeding off of people?”

“Peasant, have you ever gone hungry?” The wizard glared at him.

Marion hesitated because despite being of the peasant class, he had actually been pretty well off so far and had not ever been without food. “Take the feeling of hunger and multiply that by ten. I can’t NOT feed. My curse mandates it.” He got up. “We should leave early tomorrow morning.” He grumpily got up and walked away.

“Wow, maybe he’s had a hard life,” Nicholas commented. Marion pouted and lay down. He was determined not to feel sorry for the creepy wizard who had attacked him the night before.

~

“It’s inside this cave,” the gray haired man pointed to what looked like a very normal cave.

“How do you know?” Marion said suspiciously.

“I've been here before,” he stated. “I’ve brought many young men here who thought they could obtain Lothario’s armor but all of them have failed. Do you think you can succeed, man?” he said poking Nicholas in the chest. Nicholas looked worried.

“Well… uh… I have to at least try!” he decided.

“Hmph. Very well. But be warned. There will be a number of tests and traps.” He laughed a bit to himself. “They will test your ability to see if you are capable of wearing the armor of such a famous man.” He walked into the cave laughing darkly. Nicholas and Marion didn’t know what he meant.

Nicholas hesitated. “Well come on then.” Marion encouraged slapping him lightly on the back. “This has been your goal for a while now, hmm?”

“Yes. But what if…”

Before he could finish Marion pushed him towards the cave. “You said you have to at least try, right?” The feminine peasant winked.

“Ah! Yeah. Thanks Marion. I could always count on you.”

“Are you coming or what? Scared already?” the wizard barked from inside the cave.

“Coming!” Nicholas called and trotted into the cave. Marion watched him from behind smiling. He thought Nicholas was cute just then. And the way those butt cheeks moved as he walked. Marion giggled slightly and then followed him into the cave.

They came to a wall in the cave that contained many holes. They wouldn’t have noticed them except for Marion’s lantern. He was a candlestick maker but also made lanterns as well. This was the only thing he knew how to do so he might as well make himself useful by providing light inside the cave.

All the holes were approximately waist length – some higher than others, some lower. Some holes were as big as a fist and others as small as a writing pen. There were many holes against the flat wall. Poor Nicholas and Marion didn’t understand the significance of these holes at first.

Alas, dear readers. This could end badly…

The wizard laughed deeply as they stood in front of the holey wall. “What is it?” Nicholas wondered running his hand along the wall.

“If you can’t get past this puzzle, you’ll never be able to continue on.”

“Puzzle? But what are you supposed to do?” Marion wondered. The wizard just laughed deeply. “What is it?” Marion crinkled his nose.

“You see this wall is really a door. You!” He pointed at Nicholas who jumped in fright. “You have to unlock this door by putting the KEY into the right KEYHOLE.” He explained saying some words louder than others.

“Key? But I don’t have a key…” Nicholas said confused.

The wizard just laughed again. “Yes you do. Trust me. I should know. I’ve drank from it twice already, haven’t I?” He smirked.

Marion gasped and Nicholas turned red. “You mean the key is…” Marion found himself looking over at the man’s crotch. Nicholas covered himself up slightly embarrassed.

The wizard let out a short laugh and then shrugged. “You have to put your dick into one of those holes here… which one, I do not know. Every person has chosen a different one. Some have failed, some have not. The trick is that you’re supposed to think of the one you love while doing it. You’re supposed to chose the hole that matches that person’s hole exactly.”

“Well uh…” Nicholas stumbled a bit. “I guess I could just try until I get the right one.”

“One problem though,” the wizard added. “If you don’t get it right the first time, you lose your manhood,” he said making a swiping motion with his hand complete with cutting sound effects.

“What!?” Nicholas scoffed still covering himself.

“It’s true. I’ve escorted many a man out of here who have lost their magic wand, if you will.”

“That’s horrible!” Marion cried. “Just what kind of test is this anyway? How do we know you’re not tricking us?”

“I’m not,” the wizard swore seriously. “That’s how it is done. Lothario was this kind of person.”

“What kind of person would make someone go through such a gruesome test? Sticking that into holes in the wall? It’s preposterous!”

“I’ll do it,” Nicholas decided.

“Huh?” Marion looked over at him.

“If that is the test then I must at least try.” He stated trying to look brave. In reality, he was terrified.

“Nicholas…” Marion murmured.

“If I fail, I will take this to mean that I am not meant to be a knight.”

“But…”

Nicholas turned to the wizard again. “I have to pick the hole that most resembles the person that I love?”

“Yes… and imagine making love to them. It is this test that I could never do myself.” He growled. “The curse has made me unable to have sex without dire consequences,” he said roughly. Whoa, to live for hundreds of years and not be able to do it. No wonder he was grumpy. Especially after having to suck people off for energy.

Nicholas looked at the wall of holes and frowned. “Um… the thing is… um…”

“What? I’ve already told you all I know,” the wizard grouched.

“Well the one I love… I never…”

“Don’t tell me you never had sex before…” The wizard groaned. “What kind of amateur are you to be going after the big fish like Lothario then? Are you an idiot?”

“No, I have had sex before just…” He leaned lowly towards the wizard. “Just not with the person I love… uh…” He shifted embarrassed.

“Nicholas?” Marion wondered. He hadn’t heard that last part.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to imagine what their hole looks like then. Wow, this is bound to end badly.” He sighed. “I guess I can lead you back if you don’t want to do this.”

“No, I do!”

“You’re bound to get cut if you make the wrong decision. You realize this, right?”

“Yes but…”

“Is the one you love a man or a woman?”

“Man.” He stated lowly not daring to look at either one of them. He nervously glanced over at Marion who was simply watching them clueless as to what they were talking about. He was still in shock that such a test like this actually existed. The wizard sighed again. He understood what was going on now.

“You, peasant.” He said stepping towards Marion.

“What?” Marion jumped.

“Show him your ass.” He stated.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” Marion shrieked.

“He’s never done it before. He doesn’t know what a man’s ass looks like.”

“What? But why do I…?”

“Fine. Let your boyfriend lose his masculinity then.” The wizard shrugged.

“No, it’s ok.” Nicholas stepped in front of the wizard. “Sir wizard, I’ll be fine. Marion don’t worry,” He said and once again stepped before the wall of holes that were supposed to resemble many anuses.

“I guess… I guess I’ll start now.” He gulped and then stepped closer to the wall undoing his pants.

“Nicholas, no,” Marion quietly pleaded. “You’re going to make him a eunuch!” he yelled at the wizard.

“Hey, I’m not forcing him.”

“Um…” Nicholas hesitated.

“You have to make yourself ready.” The wizard instructed. “You can’t just shove it in there.” He moaned. What kind of idiots were these?

“I-I know!” Nicholas swore and started stroking himself while standing before the wall with holes.

“You’re really going to? No!” Marion started crying. He didn’t want to see Nicholas get hurt especially in such an intimate place.

“So which one are you going to chose then?” The wizard wondered as Nicholas stood there holding his hardened cock. Despite all the tension, he had somehow managed to stroke himself into an excitement even though he was really nervous around the mage and Marion.

“Um…” They all looked the same to him. How was he supposed to know which one to choose? Marion was holding back tears and biting his lips. Nicholas finally hovered before one that he could only guess would be Marion’s size. But what if he was wrong? It’s not like he had studied the peasant’s bum hole before.

Marion sniffled and then glared at the wizard. “Wizard turn away,” he finally said.

“Eh?” The wizard wondered but then finally did as he was told.

This was it. It was now or never. He stepped closer to the one, he could only assume could be Marion’s. As if the poor man could read his mind, Marion called out to Nicholas. He turned to catch sight of two pale globes surrounding a very tempting entrance. Marion was mooning him.

“Marion!” He gasped. He’d much rather plunge into the peasant than the cold hole in the wall, but he didn’t think the peasant would ever consent to that. He turned back to the hole he had been aiming for and confirmed it. This one did seem to most resemble his peasant’s asshole.

Nicholas was nervous but gulped and finally shoved his way into the hole thinking of Marion’s lovely tush. He resisted the urge to call out his friend’s name as he thrust in and out of the hole hoping that he had what it took the open the door.

And like magic there was a click and the wall shook. “Ah!” He gasped as the shaking caused him to reach his end.

“Nicholas!” Marion shrieked thinking it was the end for Nicholas’s manhood. He looked over at the peasant’s tear stained face and came into the hole. The shaking stopped and he disconnected himself from the hole as the wall slid open. “Are you… oh thank God.” Marion sighed when he saw that the man was all right. He fell to his knees.

“Marion.” He patted the servant’s head. “Thanks.” He smiled.

“Huh. Who knew you had what it takes,” the wizard said patting him on his back. Nicholas beamed. He had been thinking of Marion the whole time. Marion had really helped him more than he was even aware of. “Now put your pants on,” the wizard added sourly.

Next episode: The tests continue! Just how does one go about cumming and moving levers without the use of his hands? The wizard will show you how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now whenever you see a hole in the wall, you will think of me and my story, won't you? MWAHAHAH!!! I have ruined the innocence of punched out plaster!


	6. The lever system

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time our hero makes use of his butt muscles!

Nicholas must pass a series of tests and trials in order to get to Lothario's armor. But these are no ordinary tests...

For this is...

**SUPER KNIGHT LOTHARIO!!!**

(Duh!)

Episode 6: The lever system

“I can’t believe that worked!” Marion scoffed.

“Y-Yeah.” Nicholas blushed. He didn’t tell Marion that he had been thinking of him while he basically fucked a hole in the wall.

They walked down the dark cavern with Marion still holding the light. “The next test is easy,” the wizard explained. “You just have to come without the use of your hands,” he explained.

“How is that easy?” Marion scoffed. Marion was a virgin and didn’t know much about sex outside of what they talk about in bar taverns but that didn’t sound easy to him.

“That’s what I’m here for…” the wizard said darkly.

They came to a room that was blocked by what looked like jail bars. Except in the bars was an indentation of what looked like a man as if a person had been shot at the barred door and caused a man-shaped imprint. “Welp, step right up.” The wizard pointed to the door.

“What?” Nicholas wondered. “What do I do?”

“Isn’t it obvious, idiot? Just lay against the man shaped hole. There’s even a convenient indentation for you. Do you need me to tell you everything?” he barked.

“How would anyone know that?” Marion yelled back at him.

“Arg! Sorry. Just go already.” He pushed him towards the door.

“Um… yes…” Nicholas gulped and then stepped forward and pressed himself against the bars.

“Stand back, peasant.” The mage instructed pulling him backwards. Marion jumped when some more bars came down behind Nicholas so that now he was trapped.

“What’s happening?” Marion wondered.

“Ah!” Nicholas gasped struggling to free himself. His cage started moving forward and he noticed that it was slowly making it’s way to a protruding spike. “Wizard?” 

“See that trench in the ground below you?” the wizard explained. Nicholas looked down and noticed that there was a small trench leading to the wall on the other side that held the huge spike. There was also some human bones which did not make his situation look good.

“Yes?” he squeaked.

“You have to get some of your semen into that.”

“Wh-wh-what?” Nicholas trembled. His cage moved forward enough to let Marion and the mage into the room behind him. “How can I do that? I am trapped.”

The wizard stepped around the cage and stood before him with a smirk. “I already said that’s what I’m here for. I’ll make you cum real fast,” he promised undoing the man’s pants.

“But… but… I just came a while ago.”

“You stupid idiot! If you can’t come again so soon after the first time, you’re not fit to wear Lothario’s armor,” he said his fingers stroking at Nicholas's front. The mage looked behind him as the trap was bringing them closer and closer to the huge spike. “You better hurry because I can just jump out of the way. You cannot.”

Nicholas gulped as sweat poured down his forehead. Marion was trembling off to the side. “You’re gonna get him killed!” he cried.

“Then do you want to do this?” the wizard spat. Marion blushed and covered his mouth, his eyes wet with tears again. “Then shut up!” the mean man barked and then started stroking him harder. “Come on! Get hard already!”

“I can’t!” Nicholas cried. He was terrified and the trembling Marion wasn’t helping him.

“You can! It’s easy! Fine! I’ll use my mouth!” The wizard decided. “Just let me know when you’re about to come so that you can aim it into the trench,” he decided and then without further adieu went down on our hero Nicholas. Marion gasped and turned away from the scene. It wasn’t exactly sexy seeing the man trapped in a cage that was heading towards impending doom getting serviced by a vampire.

Now Nicholas was afraid and not exactly in the mood to be that excited. But… the wizard had had years… no, centuries of practice and was versed in the use of magic so he was able to coax the man into an aroused state. Time was running out. The spike was ever nearing and pointing at the wizard’s head. They would both be skewered if he didn’t hurry up and get the man to release his precious love juices.

“Ah!” He could feel Nicholas tremble and increased his bobbing upon his shaft. He had to resist the urge to keep his mouth around him as he knew the man’s sweet nectar, his life seed was about to be called forth. “Wait… Sir wizard.” Nicholas had relaxed some and focused only on the pleasure that the wizard was giving him. He forgot about the trap he was in and that Marion was in the room. The wizard pulled away and moved to the side to avoid the spike just as Nicholas came, his white semen dripping into the trench beneath him. He was only a foot away from getting stabbed.

As if by some magic, the trench released a white light and the cage stopped moving. It opened up and he was able to stumble out. He knelt upon the ground off to the side catching his breath. The wizard patted his back. “You can rest your organ now. The next test uses a different part of your body,” he said simply.

Marion just stared at Nicholas unsure of what to say. Seeing the wizard do something to Nicholas… well he knew that he had already done it to him before… but actually seeing it, he didn’t like it. But he didn’t think he would have been able to do the same thing if he were in the wizard’s place. He had no experience at pleasing a man like that after all.

“Are… are you okay?” Marion wondered quietly patting his shoulder.

“Ah! Yeah.” Nicholas smiled his stupid oaf of a smile and Marion sighed in relief.

“This way then.” The wizard said leading them to a passageway in the corner they hadn’t seen before. They gingerly stepped over the bones on the ground and headed after the mage, but not before Nicholas did his pants back up again.

“Do you know how to write then?” The wizard asked.

“Y-yes.”

“Good. Then I guess you’re not a complete idiot and at least know the alphabet.”

“Why?”

“Because the next test requires you to use your brain and spell Lothario’s name out.”

“Finally a test that sounds a bit more normal,” Marion breathed in relief.

“Heh, he’ll be spelling… with his ass,” the wizard instructed.

“What?” they both said at the same time.

The next room was a room full of levers. Some were on the ground. Some on the wall. But the unusual thing was that the levers were not normal levers that just move up and down. They seemed to be moved in all different sorts of paths.

“All right,” the wizard said sounding bored. “If you can get past this test, you are almost done. You have to spell Lothario’s name using these levers.”

When Marion looked closer he did see that the levers were moved along letter shaped paths. The one closest to him seemed to move in the shape of an M. “Don’t move the levers with your hands though,” the wizard warned. “You have to stick each lever up your ass.” He snickered a bit.

“That’s…” Marion couldn’t even find the words to describe it. The last two tests had seemed to be just as bizarre.

“I…” Nicholas gulped.

“Wait a minute…” Marion folded his arms. “Why does he have to move them… that way?” He blushed slightly. “Why can’t he just move them with his hands like a normal person?”

“Heh.” The wizard smirked almost an evil smirk. “The first test was to ensure that you could give it. The second test measured if you could come without the use of your hands…”

“But didn’t he cheat?” Marion bit his lip.

“He didn’t cheat!” The wizard scoffed.

“But he wouldn’t have been able to if you weren’t there.”

“Then perhaps Lothario didn’t want those who sought his armor to come alone! Anyway this is the test that makes sure you are able to take it. Lothario doesn’t want someone who can only give it.” He added with a gruff chuckle. “Besides if you use your hands it won’t work.”

“But how will this Lothario person know? He’s dead isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but it won’t work, I’m telling you.”

“It’s ok.” Nicholas assured putting his hand on Marion’s shoulder.

“But Nicholas… this is foolishness.” He bit his lip.

“I can’t quit now, right?” He smiled weakly.

“But… will you be okay?” Marion wondered quietly.

“I’m scared ,but I think I will manage,” he admitted. “All right.” He turned away and looked over all the levers. “Now where is the L?” 

“This will be entertaining.” The wizard smirked. “Right here,” he said pointing to a lever on the side wall. Sure enough, its path showed that it was to be moved down and then to the right.

Nicholas gulped as he stared down at the lever. The top part was slightly rounded. Well it didn’t look too big so he shouldn’t have a problem fitting it in. He didn’t really want to especially with the wizard and Marion there but he had to. Getting this armor had been his only goal now for a while.

The man undid his pants once more and slid them down to his knees. Marion gulped and looked down not wanting to watch him do such an outrageous thing. The wizard just looked on amused. Not many had gotten this far in the tests. Some had even left when they came to this third trial because they were unwilling to go this far for a magical suit of armor.

Nicholas turned around and positioned himself above the protruding metal. “Will you be able to just stick it in like that?” The wizard chuckled. “You won’t even prepare yourself?”

Nicholas blushed. “No… I… it’s just a piece of metal and… it’s not that big.” He told himself more than the wizard.

“Very well. Go ahead.” The wizard motioned to the wall.

Nicholas nodded and closed his eyes as he felt the cold metal of the lever at his hole. He grimaced and slowly pushed his way around it. He sucked in some air painfully. The cold metal wasn’t exactly pleasurable down there. It made him think that perhaps anything poking into the asshole might not feel very good. Even a dick.

The man gritted his teeth and grunted a bit as he pushed himself forward dragging the lever with him. Marion was blushing looking at the ground trying not to look at him. He didn’t want the poor guy to feel bad for him. He wanted to go over there and comfort him but he couldn’t right now. Nicholas finally got to the bottom of the L and then slowly inched to the side. When he got to the end, the lever clicked and he had finally spelled the first letter of the infamous Lothario’s name.

He pulled himself off the cold metal lever and slumped to the ground to catch his breath since he had barely breathed while it had been inside him. “You ok, there?” the wizard asked gruffly.

“Yeah. Ah,” he shivered. Sitting in the room with his pants half off made him cold. Especially having such a cold object placed so intimately in his body.

“Yeah well… The “O” will make you feel better,” the wizard said walking to the middle of the room. There was a big circle with a rod sticking out of it. This lever looked different than the other. It seemed to be rubber and had a more apparent penis shape.

“Why is the “O” so big compared to the others?” Marion wondered, hesitantly.

The wizard just laughed and then shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess because it’s the best one,” he said mysteriously.

Nicholas nodded and set his mind onto the next letter. He gulped and hovered over this new lever. This time instead of a cold painful metal, he was met with a more pleasurable intrusion. Well this wasn’t that hard. It was a little bigger than the metal lever but slipped in easier. He started moving it clockwise but yelped when the lever started moving.

Marion yelped too when he heard Nicholas cry out. Nicholas stopped moving because now the lever was vibrating inside him. “What’s… what’s happening?” He looked to the wizard trying to clutch the rod underneath him to still it.

“I told you it was the best one.”

Nicholas just trembled not able to stop the rod’s vibrations. It seemed he was going to have to continue to move in the big circle while enduring the rod’s pleasures. “Ah!” he gasped. Unlike the cold rod before this one felt so good! He was getting hard. But there was no time for that now! Marion was now watching him wide-eyed which wasn’t helping his concentration. And why did seeing his feminine friend make him feel even hotter?

The hero closed his eyes and continued his slow move along the big circle. He had to hurry up and go faster because even though it felt good he didn’t want to stay like this longer than he had to. But as he came closer to the part on the “O” where he had started the vibrating got more intense. He tried to move away from it but if the lever wasn’t farther inside him, he couldn’t move it. The more the rod vibrated the more he found his urge to stroke himself. But he couldn’t. He had to somehow concentrate.

“I… can do it,” he told himself trying to hurry up and finish the circle.

Marion gulped. He was transfixed by Nicholas. He’d never seen the man like this. It was obvious that the moving lever was having a pleasurable affect on him but still he concentrated on moving. When he spoke, Marion’s fascination was broken. He felt a little bad by watching him like some circus freak and decided to cheer him on.

“Go on, Nicholas. You’re almost there!” he encouraged. Finally, Nicholas finished the “O”. The lever clicked into place and the vibrating stopped. He pulled himself off the oh so pleasurable rod and slumped to the ground to catch his breath.

“You want me to relieve you there?” the wizard offered motioning to his hard on.

“No…” Nicholas panted. “The next letter…” He breathed.

“Right here.” Marion pointed to a “T” in the ground.

“No,” the wizard corrected. “He’s spelling words from almost five centuries ago. The “T” and the “H” are written together as one letter,” he said pointing to a lever on the wall that resembled what looked like a T and an H melded together. “See? Aren’t you glad I’m here?” the wizard teased.

Marion just frowned and looked away angrily from the mage. He didn’t exactly like that wizard guy! Nicholas moved to the lever on the wall.

“Nicholas!” Marion gasped.

Nicholas stood before this lever, which was close to the ground but still on the wall. At least this one’s rod was smaller. It was no thicker than a pencil and like a pencil it seemed to be made out of wood. He hoped he wouldn’t get any splinters…

“This one’s tricky since it’s a complex letter. Be careful.” The wizard warned.

Nicholas nodded. He was still halfway hard but ignored this and turned around. He had taken his pants off as they just seemed to get in the way anyway and carefully slipped himself onto this new small wooden lever. Luckily, it didn’t move and by going really slow he was able to spell the strange T-H letter that didn’t exist in their alphabet anymore.

The next letter “A” was also on the wall but closer to the ground. It was rubber but luckily it didn’t move. The only hard part was that he had to push it up from the ground and then lower himself down again, halfway up, and too the side. Somehow he got this done.

The “R” was on the floor. The rod for it was rubbery too. But when he slipped over it he found it to be very squishy. It was cold too. It almost felt like he had some weird octopus tentacle inside him… not exactly a pleasant experience but finally he spelled the letter “R”.

The letter “I” was seemingly easy. All he had to do was push the lever up. The only hard part was that it seemed to be the hardest lever to move. Nicholas was a strong man but he wasn’t exactly strong in moving letters with butt muscles. He grunted as he pushed with all his might. It wouldn’t move. He turned while still attached to the rod so that he could push up at it with his legs. But when he did this the hard unmoving rod pressed against him causing a jolt to go through his body. He didn’t know if this rod was magic or not but that alone caused him to cum. Marion gasped but by now he was too tired to worry about his servant buddy.

And then it was back to the dreaded “O” again. The wizard just laughed but clapped as he trudged over to it. Again, he grunted and panted as the dildo-like rod moved inside him while he attempted to move it in the circle. “You’re almost there, Nicholas!” Marion encouraged him. He moved slowly as it was harder to ignore the pleasurable sensations especially now that his hole was a bit more stretched out and he was getting tired. He wondered if he’d be able to get through any more tests after this.

“Come on!” Marion encouraged beckoning him forward as he moved along the last part of the circle.

“Don’t pass out or anything there,” the wizard said solemnly.

He had to get through this. It was almost like Marion and the wizard were counting on him. He didn’t know how he did it but he finally completed the circle and slipped off the rod, slumping to the ground. “Nicholas! Nicholas! Are you okay?” Marion ran to him.

“Ma-Marion.” He managed to mutter. He moved his arms around the beautiful looking man and hugged him.

“Nicholas?”

“Thanks.” He whispered. “Thanks for believing in me…” He breathed. He was beginning to feel drowsy. He wouldn’t mind falling asleep like this at all.

The wizard cleared his throat behind them. “Sorry to ruin your little flirting fest, but shall we continue?” He wondered.

Next episode: Nicholas must choose between his friend’s life and the armor that he has sought after all this time! And does Lothario finally reveal himself? Find out… NEXT TIME!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Today’s letter was the letter “O”. No, you weren’t watching Sesame Street.)


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